是否又过于脱离现实了？总觉得自己的生活中缺少了什么。

Thoughts

Just wondering... What do I really want in life? Being unsatisfied with my life for no reason isn't something of my interest either.

It's only now that I've realised the beauty of the lyrics of 君の知らない物語. I guess anime's probably the reason why I'm always so dreamy. Just a little sharing. Unfortunately, there is no star to see in the Singaporean night sky.

抑えられた感情、言えない言葉。

Randomness

Somehow, in the midst of watching 神様のメモ帳, I realised that I'm slight loli.

快乐

这两天又看到同学在Facebook上emo了。的确，无知为乐。可是，被迫当精英的同学们，已经做出了选择，无法再享受无知之乐。我想，虽然我不是很快乐，但我不为生活艰难（以及没有女朋友）而难过。即使没有人与我聊天，我也会感到愉快。人嘛，要懂得欣赏。难过的时候，就想想那些歌手美妙的歌声，或那黑暗的夜空，想到宇宙、自然。有时候，也要思考为什么自己会难过，找不到理由，自然就不难过了。我想，心情在多数情况下还是由自己决定的。

Previous Goals

Maybe it's time to start talking about the stuff which I thought about at the start of the year again. To think of it, I've learnt stuff with simply thoughts running through my head, and I've decided to put somethings aside as I carried on with life. But as I approach the end of the year, that atmosphere is back, with new bridges built and someone regretting missing his opportunity. As an INTJ myself, I've realised that I can only interact well with people who have 3 similar letters as me. I didn't study Japanese because I was enthusiastic about learning another language, but because the friends at Jap classes were the ones that I could interact well with. Even if we were to emo at one table at 日本語で遊ぼう about how life sucks, it's still a form of interaction which got me involved. Such a form of involvement was never experienced my me in a school class, which was why I continued Japanese until Sec 4. However, in J1, I didn't really get a great teacher like those who taught me for the previous 4 years, and gradually lost interest in attending the lessons. (Won't expect much of H2 as the teacher's crazy.) So back to my point. While the seniors were commenting how how stringent KSJ's criteria was, I would say that mine is no less, but different of course. Being an idealist, it would be almost impossible for anyone to fulfill my criteria.

人生

今年快要结束了。我并没有在这一年内更深刻的了解人生，毕竟自己做的每一件事，都符合我生活中的原则。回想一下，虽然有些目标没有达成，但总体上来讲还过得去。台上一分钟，台下十年功。我既然没有付出太大的努力，我就无资格抱怨。今天，化学奥林匹克竞赛的名单被公布了。那些没被录取的同学的遭遇实在是可悲。一年的心血，就这样白费了。这些与我一起上了这么多堂课的同学们，个个都是理想主义者，为了挑战自己而在年初参加竞赛。可是，某些勤奋拼搏到现在的同学们，仍然逃不过教育部的精英主义，在各种情况下都要进行筛选，甚至是随机筛选。在我的生活中，我时时刻刻的感到了身为弱者的无奈。你的命，就在别人的掌控之中，随时都可以被夺去。可是，成为强者也不是毫无代价的。我想，有些委屈值得承受，因为只有从自己对生活中的种种不满，才能摸索出自己人生的原则。

绝望

今去某些人的博客看了一下。发现原来大家与我一样，都有对生活的种种不满。我承认我没有为升级考试做太多的准备，但我认为生活中有更好的东西值得我们追求。对于胜者来说，幸福或许就真是那胜利，但身为某时候的败者，我必须懂得哲学，追求更高境界的满足感。可是，别人似乎不太赞同我对生活的观点。在这个精英体制下，我忙碌了这么多年，终于发现，是离开的时候了。参加了一天的日语活动，视野也就变得更加广阔。我没有必要与他人竞争，这是儒家的短见。竞争，目的是为了选出最优秀的人才。可是，过度竞争，会浪费大量的资源以及形成今天这样的精英体制。圣人之道，才是我应该选择的道路。

多虑

也许是我多心了。这几天，班上的各位都似乎还原了年初的状态。上个月可能由于考试，使得大家都很紧张，把时间放在学业上。而考试已过，又能回到年初那种较悠闲的校园生活。可是，仔细一想，自己身边的好朋友还是那么几个，而他们是与自己一起度过升级考试的，与其他人不同。所以，正如班上的一位学生所说，需要珍惜的，其实只有那么几位朋友。拥有博客或许对自己来说是一件好事。以自己的性格，有许多事情在现实生活中是说不出口的。博客，则成为与某些人的交流方式。这几天，我才发现原来有许多人守候着我，阅读我对生活的种种不满。我想，这也许可以作为一个起点，使朋友之间的友谊更真实。

More inspiration

It feels kinda stupid when you tell someone that you're blogging, 'cos somehow you have to write something here although you might have changed your mind after you reached home. However, I have some inspirations today. I saw an image by Best Quotes shared by some RI guy on facebook whom I don't even know. Well, I think it's quite a good reflection of how people actually interact nowadays. Perhaps like how I interacted with some girl for the first half of the year until I've decided to talk to her (although it isn't that accurate because we simply have nothing to talk about besides sharing lame stuff online XD). At the same time, I feel rather good that I've made the right decision about something. Back to emoing about my life... This year is the first time which I feel bad after scoring well for each Chem test. You just can't ask anyone for marks and no one tell you anything. Well, I was usually the bottom guy after each Humanities test asking people for their score last year, and those who are weak in the sciences will laugh about their failure with me too. However, this year is different. No one tells you anything, and you have to keep your mouth shut so that you don't offend people. I have to move over to 7B to talk to people like LJ and GC whom don't score too badly and perhaps ask MQ on how well he scored, and back in my class I just don't dare to talk to anyone besides people like 本杰明 and Isaac. This is probably the gap that lies within everyone in class. Back in 4S1, it was a society where everyone was respected for their own specialities, but in my current class, it kinda became a place where people are stuck in their own groups because people simply don't bother to socialise with others. The class doesn't play monodeal, which is why I never bothered to learn, and people simply don't bother to learn slightly more intellectual games such as floating bridge. (Explains why I'm actually on better terms with some people in other classes.) Another gap. The high productivity at class bench makes it worse. To think of it, SMTP had created an environment which bonded the people whom I can interact with i.e. mostly those who are active on facebook and bothers to play bridge with those in other classes. Not sure about Domo but perhaps him too, although I don't talk to him much. As for the rest, I somehow feel that they are just like dichloromethane and perhaps ethene (if they mix) in a large pool of water and alcohol. Just some thoughts :)

Loneliness

After one year of craziness (referring to Econs and PW of course), I went for another gathering at a friend's house today. It was kinda similar to my Japanese teacher's experience. During these kinda gatherings, the main aim is to let people socialise and have fun, or possibly, strengthen the bonds between people. However, the truth is that such gatherings are usually not very useful in a sense. Everyone's so nice in my class, but there just isn't anyone whom you can count as a true friend. The experience was totally different from the feeling I got after eating with the people from my Japanese class on Thursday. No one needs any form of entertainment. People just need to sit together and do some lame stuff. I'm not being lame but it's the truth. Even during orientation, with those people whom I thought weren't like me (well there were still people like Slau and Chang Hui), I still had fun each night and didn't want to go home. However, I was kinda dying to go home today, school was just a consideration. I swear that I wouldn't have gone home at 9 if there was a reason for me to stay on, but I somehow felt left out and left. Perhaps, it was simply because there weren't anyone who shared a common language with me. Until now I've only found 2 people, or perhaps 3 to 4, but only 2 people whom I can tell everything to. 新しい親友に会えるように願っている。

人生

数日前、去年の日本語のクラスメートたちと一緒に夕飯を食べた。そして、彼らは僕にまだ人間であることを思い出させた。僕は一生懸命学校のことに立ち向かっている間、ある人たちはもう恋愛を求め始めた。確かに、僕は一年中、実際的な人たちに囲まれ、自分の未来のことしか考えなかった。そのHPに入った女の子はクラスの男の子を嫌がって、いままで独身だが、彼女は僕が独身である理由がないと思う。確かに、学校のクラスの中の多くの女子はかわいいが、僕は彼女たちにあまり興味がない。皆は忙し過ぎるからだ。そして、授業中の話が少ないこととあいまって、クラスの女子とそんな関係になろうとしても、成功率は低いと思う。今年の三月に、ある女の子にべたぼれだった。そして、時間が経ちながら、僕も自分の愚かさに気づいて、その感情を消そうとした。そして、その経験から成熟になった。恋はドラマの中のようにのんびりでないと悟った。だが、今は自分の未来しか考えなければ本当に成功できるのでしょうか。そうではないと思う。そうしたら、この超エリートのシステムに呑まれている。どうして独身であることに対して、時間がない、仕方ないといつも言うけれど、それは言い訳だけだ。確かに、責任があって、ゆとりがないけど、僕は他の人と違う。僕は不運ではない。知らない女の子と視線が合ったことはなくもない。だが、性格のせいで、名前を聞こうとしなかった。これから、恋の求めに対する態度を変えたほうがいいと思う。

期望

具有天赋真的是件好事吗？今天的数学升级考试，虽然都有把握得A，但却有一部分的人与我一样，毫无满足感。而当我们为自己的不足而感到不满时，世界上还有另一部分人在为升级而挣扎。也许，我们的不快，是我们的生活环境造成的。当我们达到目标后，总有长辈对我们说：“不能满足于现状，而要更积极，更努力。”这就使得人们总是为一些无意义的事而烦恼。我想在这一点上，学校已经为我们打造了一个能与自我竞争，以及追求爱好的环境。我想，不快的原因可能是今天的表现无法弥补上周五和周一的失败吧。还是知足为乐。

試験

昨日の努力は無駄になった。経済の試験でいい成績を取るために、僕は夕べ零時を過ぎて復習したんだ。内容だけでなく、問題の答え方も問題集を参考して準備した。でも、今日の試験で出た問題は予想したこととまったく違った。こんな経験は初めてではないけれど、なんとなく前よりもっとがっかりした。学校は僕たちを試験のためによく育てていないと思うのだ。まず、先生たちがくださった資料は試験に全然関係がなかった。例えば、講義16~18は試験の問題の答え方を教えてくれるはずだが、実際に試験の役に立たない。先生は授業中その中の内容を全然使わないのでわかる。そして、今日は変な問題が出て、僕は先生たちがほしい問題に答えない答えはわからないので、試験に落ちた。確かに先生のせいだと思うけど、僕は宿題をやらないので、彼らは反論が十分ある。でも、やり方がわからないと、宿題をするのも無意味だ。試験の後の結論は、僕の勉強し方はまだ正しくないんだ。

Promos

The atmosphere is just not right for me to be preparing for Promos. In high school, your CCA, project and wtv crap which you have will always be suspended before your EOYs, but my mind is currently filled with PW, ONLY. It's one thing which I really have to put an effort into. Firstly, There's not reason for me to take a H3 without getting A for PW. It doesn't serve the purpose of taking an extra subject for an A by sacrificing one of the subjects which you can POTENTIALLY get A for. The next thing is Chemistry Olympiad. It simply doesn't make sense attending so many trainings when you can get gold as long as you put in enough effort (quite different from Math-O). Having only 2 months away from the competition, I am really trying to catch up with what I've been missing out on. Thus, I'm 100% not in the mood to study for Promos, while people like AngRY has started disseminating notes already. Well, I really do appreciate the efforts of such people, doing stuff for the common good. However, I usually do not utilize these stuff efficiently. Cao Yu was kind enough to share his GEOGRAPHY notes with me but the only way it helped me was providing me with one line of information which I needed for my "revision". Well, I had indeed revised, but I just didn't have the right method to score well for Geography. What we truly need is the tips from those people who score A. This is kinda analagous to how the bridge club works. The seniors have realised that it's no use for them to teach me skills in bridge. I don't like spending CCA time learning bridge and neither do I like learning sciences at someone elses pace. It's about passing down the passion which they have for bridge, so that we can learn by ourselves with that passion. Thus, back to my point, it's no use spamming students with content (this is not true for bio as it is indeed the correct method to tackle bio tests), which is what the tutors have been doing right now. The first thing I need is a speed-boost in writing. Hence, I would say that the effort to share notes is futile, and also why I never make my own. To think of it, I still have to agree with 中国高中之王牌——题海战术. It's the best way of tackling questions as it help one to apply his/her knowledge in exams (not in real life of course). However, I currently have no time for that. I can only hope for people to start revision later so that I do not feel so inferior. It's usually like that before the exam, like how I didn't study for Physics block test.

Gossip

Just some gossip from 小学生 (“小”指个子小). Today our Faculty Radical was supervising us during some event from 3-4pm. Well, I was vigilant enough not to screw around with him again. At least not when my testimonial is still at stake. (I would gladly do so after the deadline to key in demerit points is over.) So this was what happened. He was ogling at some girl in 小学生's class, even when she went to the toilet (WTF?!!). Thus, being 小学生 and not vigilant, he got spotted immediately when he tried to talk to her. =.= Shows how perverted and radical the Radical is.

Blank

今天走进了一电梯的美女，但由于刚退烧，所以脑袋一片空白。

Sexism

是履行我星期五做出的承诺的时候了。说道性别歧视，我认为向新加坡这样的现代社会，似乎已经把雄性看作更贱的性别。当天，在会堂举行教师节庆祝典礼的时候，因座位不够而让所有男同学把座位让给女同学。这就是当今社会的性别歧视。性别平等，就是不分贵贱，而当天那位司仪所说的话，却没有做到这一点。当今社会追求性别平等，就不应该将西方旧社会的习俗灌输入我们的脑海之中。可是，在无意之中，我们虽然抛弃了东方旧社会的思想，却继承了西方文化的糟粕。我认为，校方应该加以反省，舍去这种落后的思想。

Blog

I suppose some people were waiting for this. Fan Yi just told me some stuff on Monday. One confirmed my initial hypothesis, the other was regarding something else, which was like a "Welcome to Reality" kinda thing. Well, I was a little shocked but it didn't affect me for long so I shan't elaborate on it. The former is what I would like to talk about. Indeed, guys are lustful creatures (not so sure about girls though), but I've always felt that it was more important to value brotherhood than a potential life partner. Well, at least that was what I learnt in High School, when some trainer for a thing called ELP told us that he never regarded those people he hanged out with at Serene Centre as friends. Even Shells says that we should have more friends, although she agrees with the ideology of "同性相残，异性相惜". However, some dude changed my idea about him. Well, I shouldn't be too critical of him as he say it openly, which probably shows that he is in doubt, but I think it is wrong to even suspect so. (Maybe that's just because I haven't gotten into the situation of liking the same girl as a close friend, but I think I would take a more passive approach to the situation.) That's why people say that it is not good to think too much about something, and believing in your own hypotheses when they are not likely to be true. Without an inclination to believe such, one would try to observe and prove his hypothesis wrong rather than doing the opposite. I really hope that the party involved would come back to his senses.

For H1 Jap today, I suppose the test wasn't that bad (Can't be worse compared to the previous paper), but there could have been some improvement if I made an effort to study this year.

第一幕

性格与道德的争执

More reflections

Today, I met another guy who preaches about Christianity. Well, although it took up quite a bit of my time. I've decided to listen to him as I felt that there were some parts which were rather inspirational. Well, one thing which I didn't like is that he assumed that those who do not believe in God are atheists. However, he didn't know that I was listening to him because I was open. Personally, I chose not to believe in Christianity because I've never met God. I did exactly the thing he requested me to do -- allow God to speak to me, but it didn't have the same effect on me as Christians. This kinda reminded me about one of my distant relatives who watched Journey to the West drama series till the point that he believed that he can summon the somersault cloud, and ended up breaking one of his legs after jumping off the roof. I also thought about the case, not sure when, of a kid persuading all his friends into suiciding with him. It just shows how believing in something can work aganist you. If I were born in a poor African country, I really don't see how Christianity can help me solve my problems of survival, and if He didn't adopt pragmatism, I don't see how Singaporeans can survive till today. After pondering about the purpose of life for sometime, I came to the simple conclusion that life is just about enjoyment, which is the same as the conclusion which those professors who debated over the bible came to, except that there was this extra bit of glorifying God, which I do not believe in. However, his words did gave me a better understanding of "God". As someone who hasn't met God, I would conclude that the existence of God is one's intuition and love for himself and the world. I cannot feel the love of God, neither can I hear him (supposing he existed of course), but I know that I feel uneasy doing something aganist my conscience. The bit about God's love would be to love yourself and stay optimistic, otherwise I do not see it's purpose in my life. All in all, I would still say that the chat was rather inspirational, it kinda confirmed my stand that God doesn't not exist based on my own knowledge. As a true free-thinker (I truly agree with him that atheists aren't free thinkers), I would have to prove that I can remain happy without God. However, I would have to think about how that can be done.

Reflections

After having a smooth 6 months of JC life, I've finally came to the worst phase of JC - J1 Term 3. It really makes me depressed to the point that I have to agree with Si Hui's ideology of "life sucks". Firstly, it's PW. I always liked the idea of no pain, no gain, but not the idea of having pain yet no gain. It just screws my life up and I don't feel as if I've improved myself. However, I feel very guilty for not doing work that is supposed to be done. Next is H1 Jap, I never found myself spending so much time on this. The point is, the stupid oral presentation thing has very weird requirements. I've already written my 4th draft but it isn't close to perfect yet. (I bet the Half-Jap peeps in H2 are suffering too) The last thing is that I haven't got to watch Harry Potter. Many of my friends watched it already, but I haven't got to watch it because I'm busy and my close friends are busy too. I've also been kinda isolated from social interactions lately due to these assignments that can never be completed due to some retarded requirements. I know that people are going through this phase of life together with me, but the reality is, to survive, you only have yourself.

Filler

I'm here to fill this place with more posts. Well, it has been rather tiring recently, but not to the point which I will get emo, so I didn't need to post a lot here. Blocks was rather smooth (I got my usually As and I've no idea what's gonna happen to my Ds). I've also been watching a little of 君に届け 2nd season, and I really have to say that it's the least brainless Shoujo anime I've watched so far. (I haven't survived for more than 3 episodes in the past) The very interesting thing is that the anime has portrayed the Asian mindset to love rather clearly. (I'm now wondering whether I still have a crush) One would choose to observe the other party from afar rather than using any form of direct approach. I shall probably watching later as a form of consolation for today. Everyone went to watch Harry Potter and I'm kinda stuck at the 3rd lang center practising Japanese (not really learning much stuff). The school is retarded to put the half day today. I've no idea how many of my classmates are doing their Physics AA/Go for Chinese Oral/Misc. School-related stuff. Well, I should probably say that this term isn't a term for relaxing as I'm already seeing the workload piled ahead of me which would "entertain" me for the rest of the term. Simply hoping that there would be some chalets/outings after promos to make up for these hard times as a student.

Hunger for success

I've never tasted failure as much as this year. There are just so many things that you can sign up for, and just not get shortlisted because you are not so fortunate. (Well, I choose to put it this way because I do not see how others are more worthy of being selected) To make it worse, I didn't get into 2nd round for SMO. To look on the bright side, I'm probably getting silver again this year, but it still bothers me. I suppose it's because there wasn't any reason for me not to get in, but I failed due to carelessness. It's probably because I've lost my vigilance this year, by believing that the answer is correct rather than checking through my workings. However, by being vigilant, I also prevent myself from discovering other things. It's just like a bidding during bridge, where being paranoid over something that's been proven true would fill your brain with suspicion such that there maybe other factors which you forgot to consider. Such conflicting factors, which you do not always apply suitably, is probably what's causing me to feel so sad. It's like things are all within my capability, but I simply didn't see the right method quickly. Now the only thing that I can possibly do is to look forward to next year after half a year of wandering about finding the right things to do in JC.

福星高照

当我郁闷时，总有Blogger会听我心中的痛苦，当这次的安慰，却要暂时用Notepad来写。

年初，我们的Faculty委员会的会员向我们作了自我介绍。我当时的感觉是“好酷啊！”。因此，从年初到几个月前，我一直都有想加入的念头。几天前，我收到了一个简讯，通知我我被拒绝了。当时的心情只能说有点轻松，但也感到遗憾。不过，今天的一件事改变了我的想法。我们的Faculty中有一个Radical（读者若不明白此词的意思，可以来问我）。形容他，就是个特别S的人，喜欢折磨学生。而今天，我就不幸的成为了一名受害者。当时，我真正的感到万分的幸运，进了Faculty委员会，本来就是准备在劳累中兼任更多的任务。而如果还需要看到那个Radical的脸色，我想我将会忍无可忍。这次被拒绝，也许是上天的指引，不让我再次承受曾经受过的痛苦——为了大局而忍耐着与领导两人之间的恩怨。感谢上天让我到目前为止走了一段顺畅的人生旅途，而剩下了路途，我会更加谨慎的走下去的。

New Jap dictionary on Phone

Perhaps it's just because I didn't look at the strengths of Nokia. However, it is indeed surprising that a phone without language support can actually run a Japanese App properly. Now, I won't be the only guy in the group of people at the left corner without a Japanese Dictionary to refer to. YaY! Also, I've finally got a free weekend. Thus, I am gonna use it to catch up with some of the H2 content. Not the KI part of course because there simply isn't a point in trying to argue in Japanese when I can't do it really well in English. (Actually this issue is debatable because Jap essays allow 1-line explanations, which is more reasonable than GP essays which do not accept simple, foolproof reasons to why somethings are true) Also, I need to read a bit of 早报 and 朝日 to improve my vocabulary in Chinese and Japanese, after getting into contact with only Newsweek for some time. I am actually free tonight to post this, but I think I'll go read 早报 now.

但愿不会发生

我指的是什么？是PW的事情，但愿不会和她分到一组。不知怎么，当她在身旁时总会感到紧张，与她说话时总是不断地在抑制自己的情绪，露不出笑容。如果分到一组，那就糟了。俺将会紧张的无法动脑筋。为了我的A，还是与熟人做为好。虽然这个可能性不大，但还是要做好准备。

还在序幕

总觉得，是时候继续写我的故事了。可是，我性格过于内向，做了MBTI后的结果是26题中，23题的答案表示我是I。因此，要我主动，是绝对不可能的。所以，我决定不再选择避开。希望能在顺其自然的同时，找到新的方向。
顺便一提，我刚知道原来我的博客是有人读的。:O不过他好像没有散播任何谣言。o.O可能是因为日语不够好吧。

Google's being random

OK, today Kaidi somehow went to my blog. So, I got home and typed "ng chow hui" into google. Surprisingly, the random post about Chow Hui's rumoured girlfriend (I think he's single btw) was the first result, then followed by Chow Hui's name on the school's namelists. Well, I thought that my blog has no reason to be ranked more useful than the school's website, but somehow it became the first one. Hence, whoever that types Chow Hui on Google would be linked to my blog. :O Looks like the secretive stuff which I write here aren't that safe anymore. Of course, it wouldn't be fun without any forms of risk. Thus, I'll have to fill in more posts like this one! So if you are an avid reader of this blog like No One, looks forward for more interesting posts.

用中文试试

　　见到双（单）文化课程的同学们的华语水平，我实在是望尘莫及。若俺想像拥有他们那样的词汇，还必须下功夫不可。因此，为了维持我已经烂透的华语水平，我这次决定用中文来继续讲我的故事。

　　不知为何，我们又回到了像开学那时互相避开的校园生活。不过这样也好，毕竟我还是有点不想和任何人扯上关系。随着时光渐渐的流去，她的映像也逐渐从我的脑海中消失，令我似乎有种如释重负的感觉。不过，就当我认为自己重获自由后，我发现，我错了。在学校里偶然遇见她的时候，一见到她向我打招呼，她的映像又在我脑海中浮现了。好像复习似的。再次读一遍那些忘了的知识的时候的那种“哦，是这么一回事”的感觉。的确，她打招呼的方式与普通人截然不同。即使对于每个人都是那样，但就因为那种特别，甚至怪异，的打招呼方式，使她在我的心目中变得特别。

　　爱情，这个难以摸索的感情。即使想靠亲身体验来理解、追求爱情的真理，最后可能还是一知半解。不过，我还是想继续写我的故事。因为如果不试一试，就没有理解的可能。

Blogging too much

I'm here again, having no idea of how many posts I would hit this year. Well, shows that J1 is free compared to Sec 4 (I feel so anyway). OK, continue blogging. There isn't really anything to talk about today beside the random math test. Well, I feel kinda stupid today. Despite having the intelligence to find answers with pen and paper, there wasn't enough time to allow us to do so. Thus, it ended up as a test which tests us on how skillful we are at pressing our GC. My GC didn't show me the last intercept!!! =.= Thus, we were all complaining about how noob GC is for leaving a gap in my equation of a eclipse. In the end, I kinda screwed up the test. Luckily, I didn't prepare like some of my classmates. Speaking of which, I need to practise pressing my GC today so that I do not screw up my Lecture test on Friday. Hence, I am greatly looking forward to calculus because the GC doesn't help with calculus.

Something wrong

Today feels like a bad day. Well, after doing graph transformations for some time, I've totally forgot about the fundamentals of solving the roots of a polynomial using the intersections between 2 graphs. Also, I sprained my ankle and felt very tired for the whole afternoon after the SMTP run, which isn't usually the case. Well, at least it didn't get any worse.

Well, on the way home I was humming to myself again. This time, "I'll be the one" from Hikaru no Go. Then, I realised that this song actually had meaningful lyrics, as compared to most of the other Anime OP/EDs which I've heard. Since I don't feel like working nor sleep early at the same time, I should probably provide a translation here.

この瞳　君の目に
This pupil, in your eye.
映る　どんなものも
Shows anything
見極めて見せるよ　真実を
See through the truth and show me

僕たちは　この時代に
We, in this time
どれだけの夢抱えて
What kind of dream do we hold
涙して　迷いながら
Lost and crying
それに賭けてみてるの
We bet on it

僕はそれでも人に引け取らぬような
Even if so, I would yield to no one
決め手　見つけ　夢を　手にするだろう
If the decisive factor is found, the dream would be achieved

この瞳　君の目に
This pupil, in your eye
映る　どんなものも
Shows anything
見極めて見せるよ　真実だけ
See through it and show me the through only

たとえ　現実が
The reality
気づく　埋もれそうでも
Even if realised, would be hidden
こんな　場所で終わる
But if one were to give up here
僕じゃない
He would not be me

戦いに　挑んでみて
Trying to face the challenges
これほどに強気でいる
With such strength
僕だけど　今愛する　愛すべき君がいる
You, the one that I love and should love is there

そんな　君に僕　は　何　ができるだろう
Thinking about what I can do for you
でもね　いつも　わがまま言うばかり
But I always talk selfishly

よそ見　しないでいて
Please don't look aside
僕の　事だけ見て
And look at me
いつでも痛いから
It's always sorrowful
愛しい　人で
Because of you, the one I love
会えた　喜びが
The happiness when we met
切なさに変わるの
Changes into sorrow
「じゃあね」　と手を振った　瞬間に
The moment we wave and say goodbye

君の　瞳に映る
Reflected in your eye
人が　僕であると
The person, that's me
信じていてもいい
Can I believe it?
離れてる　日も
Even on the day we part

この瞳　君の目に
This pupil in your eye
映る　景色たちが
The scenery reflected inside
同じ　であるように　そう願ってる
Hoping that they would be the same
永遠　なんてもの
Eternity
ないかもしれないよ
Might not exist
だけど　今は二人
But now, as two
で歩こう
We shall walk together

Note that the part with love refer to friendship love. Well, it's kinda late that I've only just realised the deep meaning of this OP 4 years after watching Hikaru no Go. This can probably be 2 weeks of self-entertainment.

Bored

Somehow I'm bored now. I do have work left to do, but I don't feel like doing them. At the same time, I don't feel like watching anime and I'm controlling my desire to touch DotA. There isn't really anything to talk about here I think. (Well, I need to control my eagerness to spread gossip around 'cos it isn't good to spoil people's reputation.) Maybe I should talk about the recent news of the top scorer. Well, she's brilliant indeed, but I think there's a deeper meaning to life. This may probably be due to jealousy, but personally, I think her life is just SAD. I've been thinking about it really. My parents want me to aim for the top, but both of them knows more importantly, that it's a lot more important to know what you want to do in the future. I've seen too many examples of brillant people end up getting a similar job to those who weren't as good as them. However, the sad truth is that I'm also not sure about what I would like to do, but the good thing is that I do have a idea of it, just that I've not made a clear choice. OK, I think I shouldn't say too much as I still have to cope with reality.

Oh BTW, I should probably state here that anyone with a little foundation in Jap and a decent IQ would probably know who I'm referring to in those posts :)

今週のこと

　今週の＿曜日のことだ。＿で彼女を見た。手を振ろうか。少し迷ったが、自分はこの話を続けたいことを知っていた。それで、深呼吸して、手を振った。そして、僕たちは話をし始めた。
　「これからの＿＿＿の＿で降りる？」と僕は失望に思った。
　まあ、そうだね。彼女はその辺に住んだ。トピックはなんとなく勉強だった。ちょっとつまらなかったが、これは大事なことかもしれない。彼女に僕は天才ではないことを教えたのだ。確かに、僕は頭よさそうだが、作文は立派にかけない。去年、言語の科目のせいで、僕の平均点はあまりよくなかった。少なくとも、一番トップの学生たちと比べれば、引け目だ。他のトピックについて話できる前に、もう彼女が降りる時間だ。同じ時間に（ここは9字を省く）、今度は初めてこんな時に会ったのだ。うれしかった。そして、また会うことを楽しみにしてた。
　翌日、（ここは21字を省く）。この話は面白くなる！僕も興奮してる。

I think I just did something stupid again...

OK, regarding the previous post. The reason is rather clear why it's in Japanese - to prevent readers from understanding it of course. Well, after checking with Google translate, there were a little more which I had to censor, but it should be alright now. Unless someone is free enough to find out enough information about what happened to me that day. Hmm, perhaps I should test it out with my friends and see if they can understand it. If they do, I think I better remove it to prevent random people from reading it. MQ is exception of course.

このポストは期待されたかな？

　しばらく前に、僕はクラスメートと僕のブログについて話した。URLを知りたがっていたが、僕は教えなかった。「僕の悲しいことしか書いてない」って。結局、ここにも僕の秘密も書いてある。まあ、それについて書こう。
　二週間前ぐらいのことだ。僕は新しいクラスを知って、クラスメートたちと教室で集まった。そして、この目の大きい女の子が教室に入った。その他に特別なところはあまりなかった。しかし、僕は自己紹介をした時、日本語を勉強してるって。（ここは34字を省く）偶然に、その子はさっきに一瞬見据えた女の子だった。僕は手を振った。そして、先生は「同じバスに乗るんじゃない」って。僕は一瞬驚いて、「まあ」と答えた。
　数日後、僕たちはなんとなくお互いを避けていた。でも、偶然に視線は合う。そして、気づく前に、僕はその子のことを他のことよりもう少し考えてる。それは恋愛感情かな。自分は色欲だと思うけれど。
　時間はとても早く過ぎて、知る前に、もう今日のPOPだった。
　もう「気のせいかな」とは言えない。僕たちの視線は確かに何度も合った。だって、彼女は踊ってほしいと書いてある視線で僕を見た。でも、僕はもう一回その視線を避けた。
　しかし、チャンスはまた来た、一人で立ってた時、（ここは16字を省く）。僕はやはり馬鹿だね。せっかくのチャンスなのに、僕はもう一度チャンスを失った。（ここは30字を省く）結局、うちへ帰って、MSNでちゃんと謝った。
　まあ、彼女がほしいのに、いつも自分は子供で、まだ恋愛を求める年齢じゃないと思う。2つの気持ちは矛盾だ。自然に従えばいいかもしれない。

End of my extravertism

I suppose that the theory of MBTI remaining the same for one's life isn't false. A few days ago, I thought that I had a sudden change in MBTI (Wow!), due to me being too high due to orientation. Just one week later, I am back to my old, introverted self again. Well, today was my classmates birthday and I didn't really wish her a happy birthday. (Or at least do a proper one despite not knowing o.O) Neither did I do that last year on a male classmates birthday, proving that my unwillingness to do so wasn't due to the slight gynophobia which I have. Instead, it is just something which I don't do. Maybe I should disclose a fact to no one here (please understand the deeper meaning of this diction), I'm an extreme I, N, T and a borderline J. It's just that I was trying hard to use my E during orientation that made me seem a little less anti-social. When the orientation ends, I continue my search for true friends.

Stupid mistakes

A little correction of the mistakes on the student handbook.