A Break

I couldn't be more pissed than failing all the time. Everything is going down the drain. Maybe that got to do with me having a teacher called longang. Longang, everything goes in, nothing comes out, beware of dropping things inside. Haha. That was lame. It would be great if life could be smoother, and it certainly aren't gonna be if I have to abide to all my school rules. In the past, I coped with all the stress because there was a sense of accomplishment at the end, but constant failing is gonna turn you emo, and probably leading to suicide. Of course I won't be crazy enough to do that yet, but I seriously need a break from all those retarded English and IH homework. There was this observation which I made during the e-learning week, which is that neighbourhood school students go home at like 1.30pm. WTF!! I AM FREAKING TIRING MYSELF OUT FOR 12 HOURS A DAY AND PEOPLE OF THE SAME AGE GET TO GO HOME AND SLACK AT 1.30PM. Of course, I can't really blame it on the school. I didn't go to HP because I know that I wouldn't like and would die of such an intense curriculum (doesn't seem to fruitful despite its intensiveness). The problem lies with this new teacher called longang, who likes to involve us in politics, especially Singapore politics. If Singaporeans ever get a say in local politics, the sun would rise from the west, the sun will revolve around the earth, and earth would revolve around the moon. Anyway, why do something that won't do you any good? That's like totally based on imagination, but has got no application in real-life unlike philosophy. SG is an Asian country, and how many Asian countries have English as their core language? Well, if you are expecting us to go to European or North American countries and involve in their politics, then SG government is gonna screw you. There are times when there's a better and easier way to do stuff, and there are times when you need to do things the hard way. SG people don't know how to identify these times.

This is another vent-your-anger-online post. Vent your anger on my tagboard if you disagree.

Comments about H2O

One of the best anime made from a visual novel I would say, comparing to those which I watched like SHUFFLE!, Prism Ark, and CLANNAD I think. First thing is because the protagonist is NORMAL, unlike Rin who had no balls and Hayate who was kiddish. CLANNAD was too peaceful. I liked the setting in H₂O, and the fued between Hayami and the village, which intensified after the younger generation began to accept her. Everything simply went wrong the moment they turned right, and it was nice to see the characters struggling through everyday of their lives. Last part was rather similar to SHUFFLE! I think, the protagonist had to accept reality. I felt lucky that it wasn't sadistic. Sadism might result in more emo-ness, considering that most who watch anime are already the emo people, give them one sad anime and they go commit suicide. Now I am still stuck on what to watch, but maybe find something to refresh myself a bit before finishing AIR.

Very short post, but I didn't want to be a spoiler because the story was really nice to me. The OP and ED suited the setting. On par with Code Geass.

Aganist tests?

The 2 B3s which I got recently is rather annoying. When I thought that my MSG could finally get better, things turned for the worse. Not blaming anyone but YapS didn't really explain the centripetal acceleration thing properly. I know that it is constant, but why do you have a velocity-time graph of a 1-D world and a acceleration-time graph of a 2-D one? The other part was because of carelessness. I didn't really expect to explain in specific detail for some questions because of the number of lines given and another reason was because when you do maths you don't have the prove the theory once more before carrying on to the next step. If spamming is the technique, we are simply saying quantity=quality. So in the end, it's just a matter of what satisfies you.

However, from Hon's point of view, we are only good with MSG 1 and 0 demerit points and stuff, and without them you get kicked out of this and that and don't get OSA and no overseas trip and blah blah... Too long a list. Not being exam-smart does have quite serious consequences. Hence, I get the feeling that teachers are EVIL because it somehow seems like they want to trick you or something, like all those people who backstab you all out of a sudden, by giving you a simple test and giving excuses to deduct your marks in the end. But I really need to find a way to counter such a problem because it is really retarded to score badly because you simply didn't answer the question in the "right" way. Very sian term of the mega-phailing. Hopefully next term don't screw up anymore.

Just really really tired

It's good to pause a bit and think about the usefulness of what you have done. It's only then that I realised that, "Hey! There is really no point in mugging for an exam but I have to mug." It's actually not compulsory, but in an Asian society, this is what is required. You have to be the best, but how best can we be in school? When people have different strengths, it is wrong to say that those who are weak in a certain subject are retarded because that certain subject pulls down their overall MSG. On the other hand, it is wrong to say that muggers rule. In actual fact, people have been influenced since young that good results = everything. However, it took me 10 years to realise that no matter how great your results were in school, they may only be due to the 25% chance of a difficult MCQ question. Moreover, good results aren't gonna earn you a living. Despite the fact that it is certainly the case, you do have to master everything taught in school, but not to the point that you get penalised for using the word "vibrate" to describe fluid movement when the teacher's English standard is already CMI. Therefore, now I am dedicating more of my time to Longang, but not all, because the filter of usefulness is still there. What's the point of doing a Paul's Wheel when you can have everything in your head already, and Paul's wheel is only listing what you have in your head on a piece of paper, which is harming the environment and also insulting yourself, for the human brain has unlimited storage. However, there is also another reason why I mug for the tests. To show muggers that they are wrong. There is obviously a distinction between a mugger and a real pro. A real pro doesn't have to study to get his A1 because he has superficial memory to memorise everything that the teacher said in class, which unfortuantely I do not possess when it vcomes to anything besides numbers. (That just contradicts my point, I can simply enumerate everything which I have learnt to help remember, but oh well)

Referring to 老子's 《道德经》, there is a clear distinction between outside and inside. However, in any kind of society, it is practically impossible to become HOLY. If your want to do that, you need some fame, otherwise you are dead by now. Furthermore, it is also considered as a waste of resources if one goes to school and does not make use of the skills taught.

Haiz... I am off the point a long time ago. Anyway, I am really tired of getting good grades just for a nice result slip as the result slip is practically useless. The Canadian educational system may be great in a sense, but different people have different personalities, and ultimately the thing boils down to differentiating examinees and students.

Former Swang (Swine) Flu

I didn't really expect to be so free at such a point of time during the year, especially with my last two years' afternoon's being tightly packed. Sec 1: Band thrice (twice) + 3rd lang twice, otherwise occupied by sleeping due to low work efficiency then. Sec 2: Band thrice + 3rd lang twice + IVP once. Sec 3 Jan-Apr: Math Olympiad twice + Band twice + 3rd lang once + Project meeting once. Sec 3 Apr-Now: Mega O.R. for band due to various reasons + public holiday + CCA holiday. ( -.-"') (I am expecting people to tag "OH, you are just giving excuses not to come") Therefore, I should be much more free than Term 1. However, despite cutting down my DotA time, I wasn't able to complete some of my homework on time. There may be an increased workload but I didn't realise it. However, it is quite a good time for be to buck up slightly on my ACE, though I really don't know when would I finish those assignments. It's like your ACE would naturally max out in Term 3 for some reason, therefore I haven't done anything until now. If Longang Chan stop spamming us with homework and gives us some ACE assignments, I am sure that my English Ace would be 10 by now.

I really hope Swang Flu would stabilise soon, because getting too used to slacking isn't good. Once you slack, you slack more, and slacking time, though increasing linearly, total amount of time wasted increases exponentially.

Failing

I am simply posting this due to my blog history. 2007 (70), 2008 (24), 2009(7). Last year was really a failure, but to tell the truth, last year was a rather successdul year in terms of school work. No more sleeping at 1am and stuff. Personally, I dislike the large amount of homework given by the teachers last year because I was never able to do them properly, writing crap answers and stuff, whereas this year I was doing my homework with a bit more effort. For some reason, I am somehow determined to reach the level of true trilingualism, not simply Can Make It for all. However, English haven't been improving much lately, just simply couldn't remember all the words in comprehension, but still improving due to the topics taught by Longang.

Chinese would be slightly faster I suppose, because I feel that the teachers really have a way of improving our Chinese in Sec 3, unlike ShiehLS who simply spammed us with compo and expect us to improve. I believe that we may not be behind the schools under the Express Stream, but somehow I feel that because there aren't many times which we actually get to use the words that we learn and hence we forget.

Japanese? Na, last years super mugging gone down the drain, but not 100%, I still learnt some stuff, just that I don't realise it, probably gonna do some light mugging every now and then.

Then it's math. The hard part is already here, and I don't stand a lot of chance at Geometry anymore, worse for Number Theory, probably need to read more online Geometric stuff, then can get the gist of it.

Yesterday was spent slacking, today too. Tomorrow is bucking up day, read AC Nation and do math I suppose. Somehow I get the feeling that there is more work to be done, or maybe just because I am having extra time after cutting down on the dota matches on Sat and Sun. Hope you aren't bored to death by this.

For my animaniac friends, I am currently at episode 20 of Clannad now, gonna finish it by next week.

Before you flame my tagboard

Despite the majors emphasising the fact that we should not get arrogant about our achievement, I still have to post it because I made a promise to my readers... (countable I suppose, not even one-third of 2M2008++) Anyway, the thing is, we got GwH! What is GwH? If you don't know, you can ask my friends. Click on the links and hope to find someone willing to help you, and even if you know, don't bother flaming the tagboard. 1. Flame who? Me? You can't. I am invulnerable to insults. Or if you are really so determined to make me pissed, you can try reading all my previous blog posts and I am sure the hints will all come out when you are done. However, by then you would have wasted quite some time of your precious life reading all my previous blog posts, which didn't have the quality of those which I am posting now.

If you were here to congratulate me, please do that somewhere else because there is really no point doing it here. Imagine me tagging 'thx' on my tagboard, so lame! So I am gonna do it here. Thanks for the support people! Please get me to support you as well if you ever have the chance. Next goal in life: TOP 30 for SSSMO. Then, next year can go Hamamatsu without the feeling of missing something.

101 and counting

ついに一百一番のポストだ！とても長いストーリーはここに書いてあるよ！だって、僕の二年前からの記憶は全部ここにある。懐かしい...　金曜日はバンドのコンペティションだよ。準備はどうかわからないが、もっと自信があるようになるは今の要だ。この一週間にいくら努力しても、あまり効果的ではないと思う。そして、自信はないなら、大会の日にきっとその場合の空白を恐れる。その時は、大きく吹こうが吹くまいが、自分だけが聞こえる。だから、その十分に、夢幻の世界に行かなきゃ。いい夢を見て天国の幸せを感じる。後で現実の世界に戻る時、もう成功した。この四ヶ月の努力はそのただの八分のためなので、選択はない。唯一の結局は一番になる！

Part of the reason I am posting it in Japanese is because I regard anime as a virtual world, and hence dump my feelings into it. However, don't be discouraged if you really want to know what I am thinking, because I would be hopefully doing one in English soon. Give me some support for my SYF, then we can feel the school glory together.

Memories

おめでとうございます！これは一百番目のポストだ。読み続いてね！

前の日記を読むと、過去に返った感じが出る。しかし、あの時の人はお前が聞こえないし、見えないし、お前は存在ではなさそうだ。たぶん、それは違わないけど、過去に返った理由は前の自分を見る。もちろん、わからなかったことがある。いつも「どうしてそんな馬鹿なことをした」と自分に聞くが、答えが見つけられない。特にとても変なこと（誰にも教えられない）と変な反応だ。そんなことが説明できる唯一の理由はその自分はまだ若すぎたので、世界は自分にとってちょっと難しかった。でも、その時に思ってる事がもう全部忘れた。今できる事は過去の間違えを忘れて、新しい自分に変わる。

That was just another piece of reflection by me in Japanese, but somehow it was still hard to do some reflection in a foreign language. Most of the time, when you can't find a word to suit into your sentence, you think of another way to phrase the sentence. Thus, the hole that is there is never filled up. Is life about filling holes or building mountains. Not saying that one should be an all-rounder but you definitely need to fill up the right space. Hence...

Argh, I can't think of a good topic to crap about.

OK, let's talk about my emo-ness again. I haven't gone back to my virtual world for quite a long time. Having been dreaming a lot these days. Probably that's why people need to believe in God, for some illusion of there is someone supporting you from behind. However, when you are determined to deny God's existence, you needed some comfort zones to vent your anger and the pain of the real world, which is your virtual world. I am feeling very sian this term because of the long period before I went back during last December. Not able to do that during the March holidays either. Just hoping that there would be more school activities Next Term.

New Habit

Ever since I came into the small classroom of SC1, I developed a habit of grabbing the smooth door handle occasionally. I don't know why I like the door handle so much but I just felt like grabbing onto something when I didn't have a pen in my hand. Then, the guy beside me would say, "Walao, what's your problem? Hug the door handle for what?" Of course it's not because I actually like the door handle so much by my hands get itchy. Then today, the situation got worse. I was spinning a chair around myself during Bio lesson. Never found out the reason why I did that, but I was disappointed when I realised that the chair is hard. So hoping to grab something soft but couldn't. The Bio teacher did suggest me getting a soft toy, but I think it would be even more weird because if I do, I need a big one and can't probably put it into the classroom. Hence, I need to find an alternative solution, but for the meantime, I should probably just bear with it.

Going through teenage is rather weird. In the past, I often wanted what other had. Now, it's not what others have that I want, but what they don't. I want to show the unique side of myself, which isn't really unique. I've been wondering why I actually gave myself a freedom of speech. There were always things which I was too shy to tell others (you have been seeing a fake me all along). Teenage is evil. You gain more independence but wanted some care. You want people to say something to you although you may not need it. That's how I've been feeling for the 2 extra hours I am awake each day. Really hope to sleep early :)

Of course, everyone still has his own secrets. I can see what every loner needs because I am one myself. Why are people so lonely? I guess it's probably the situation in Singapore. Your friends live too far from you. You can't simply go to their houses every weekend like what my Jap teacher could. She says that students in Singapore are very pathetic. I wholeheartedly agree. There is no one you could actually consider a true friend. Whom you can see after school ends and not just a contact on MSN. Ask yourself, in your life, how many true friends have you had. I would say probably those in primary school. They were those who shared enjoyable memories outside school with you every afternoon, but they have to leave you. Then you move on to secondary school and get a new group of friends, who may not be very good friends with you but you see them more often and the challenging tasks develop teamwork among you, this is when your memories of past friends start to fade. Then you move on to JC, you forget the teamwork you developed with your friends in secondary school. Your new mugging group revises the same topics as you and score about the same marks as you in JC. University is all thats left, but no matter how many friends you make in the world, there is always a time to say goodbye. We all hate these moments. I loved the birthday parties in Primary School, I loved the joy and laughter in 2M, but the memories fade.

Got slightly affected by the CSE coordinator. I am in a weird state of mind now, not tired, not active, but blissful. These moments come occasionally, but I can't cherish them sometimes. Thank you for reading this long piece of crap. Please continue to be a reader.