止んだ

It's a long time since I blogged, which was partly due to the tests and mostly due to the internet connection of the boarding school which fails. However, it's the convenience that is the most important and thus I should just endure it. I've realised that I have lost my target in life, having no goal. Not that I don't really have one, but just that small goals are too insignificant. In other words, I have really thought about my future thoroughly. I don't know why 3 is such a nice number, but I couldn't be bothered a single bit about what I am going to do in the future. Hence, my ace this year is also a bit screwed. I gotten used to it. One year of hard work to accumulate those points, and one year later, everything disappears. (Btw, the subject with the second most number of ace is English) I did feel that getting prizes for math competitions are much more meaningful, but the failure after SMO really made me doubt it's usefulness again. I didn't make much progress in anything this year, which was similar to Sec 1 though, but I probably didn't realise it as I was emoing for most of the year, and everything turned out fine in the end. I wouldn't say that this stop in my life is because I have grown into an age when I slack, but simply because it's Sec 3. C'mon last year's 1.22 was a form of accomplishment, but this year... Even if I've gotton 1.1 (1.0 is impossible for me), it's meaningless to be a Chan Wei and show off, niaoing others for their 2.xx. I do have more important stuff to do this year, compared to the ace. I have no time due to the 2 extra subjects. It's stupid that they can merge humanes ace but not science :O. Btw, ace is meaningless because I won't go further into any topic unless I am interested in it, which is a screwed way that defys the laws of nature. Back to the point, I have no interest in doing business. It's no fun earning money, not that I am saying that other jobs are fun. But imagining yourself idling at home and free money comes in. Very fun! I can't even spend my Saturday properly. I can't go out because it's too time-comsuming, neither can I stay at home because I don't have much work, and stones more than half the day. Well, we probably need to consider one step further now. So what even if I've found a job? Life still has to go on. It doesn't make a difference because I would just depend on it for survival. Why can't just some new school of thought come up to solve all the problems caused by the competition among the different countries. All the Confucious stuff and Taoism can't be applied nowadays (blame the Europeans and Americans for that, they led us here). Time had always been given to me to ponder about all the stuff in the world, but who the hell cares with all the entertainment? They might as well go watch a movie for some "bonding" (I don't really understand the meaning of that). I've wasted quite a lot of my time due to the lack of sleep. If I can get over sleeping problems, then I believe that there would be a higher level of analysis in anything.