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I suppose some people were waiting for this. Fan Yi just told me some stuff on Monday. One confirmed my initial hypothesis, the other was regarding something else, which was like a "Welcome to Reality" kinda thing. Well, I was a little shocked but it didn't affect me for long so I shan't elaborate on it. The former is what I would like to talk about. Indeed, guys are lustful creatures (not so sure about girls though), but I've always felt that it was more important to value brotherhood than a potential life partner. Well, at least that was what I learnt in High School, when some trainer for a thing called ELP told us that he never regarded those people he hanged out with at Serene Centre as friends. Even Shells says that we should have more friends, although she agrees with the ideology of "同性相残，异性相惜". However, some dude changed my idea about him. Well, I shouldn't be too critical of him as he say it openly, which probably shows that he is in doubt, but I think it is wrong to even suspect so. (Maybe that's just because I haven't gotten into the situation of liking the same girl as a close friend, but I think I would take a more passive approach to the situation.) That's why people say that it is not good to think too much about something, and believing in your own hypotheses when they are not likely to be true. Without an inclination to believe such, one would try to observe and prove his hypothesis wrong rather than doing the opposite. I really hope that the party involved would come back to his senses.

For H1 Jap today, I suppose the test wasn't that bad (Can't be worse compared to the previous paper), but there could have been some improvement if I made an effort to study this year.

第一幕

性格与道德的争执

More reflections

Today, I met another guy who preaches about Christianity. Well, although it took up quite a bit of my time. I've decided to listen to him as I felt that there were some parts which were rather inspirational. Well, one thing which I didn't like is that he assumed that those who do not believe in God are atheists. However, he didn't know that I was listening to him because I was open. Personally, I chose not to believe in Christianity because I've never met God. I did exactly the thing he requested me to do -- allow God to speak to me, but it didn't have the same effect on me as Christians. This kinda reminded me about one of my distant relatives who watched Journey to the West drama series till the point that he believed that he can summon the somersault cloud, and ended up breaking one of his legs after jumping off the roof. I also thought about the case, not sure when, of a kid persuading all his friends into suiciding with him. It just shows how believing in something can work aganist you. If I were born in a poor African country, I really don't see how Christianity can help me solve my problems of survival, and if He didn't adopt pragmatism, I don't see how Singaporeans can survive till today. After pondering about the purpose of life for sometime, I came to the simple conclusion that life is just about enjoyment, which is the same as the conclusion which those professors who debated over the bible came to, except that there was this extra bit of glorifying God, which I do not believe in. However, his words did gave me a better understanding of "God". As someone who hasn't met God, I would conclude that the existence of God is one's intuition and love for himself and the world. I cannot feel the love of God, neither can I hear him (supposing he existed of course), but I know that I feel uneasy doing something aganist my conscience. The bit about God's love would be to love yourself and stay optimistic, otherwise I do not see it's purpose in my life. All in all, I would still say that the chat was rather inspirational, it kinda confirmed my stand that God doesn't not exist based on my own knowledge. As a true free-thinker (I truly agree with him that atheists aren't free thinkers), I would have to prove that I can remain happy without God. However, I would have to think about how that can be done.

Reflections

After having a smooth 6 months of JC life, I've finally came to the worst phase of JC - J1 Term 3. It really makes me depressed to the point that I have to agree with Si Hui's ideology of "life sucks". Firstly, it's PW. I always liked the idea of no pain, no gain, but not the idea of having pain yet no gain. It just screws my life up and I don't feel as if I've improved myself. However, I feel very guilty for not doing work that is supposed to be done. Next is H1 Jap, I never found myself spending so much time on this. The point is, the stupid oral presentation thing has very weird requirements. I've already written my 4th draft but it isn't close to perfect yet. (I bet the Half-Jap peeps in H2 are suffering too) The last thing is that I haven't got to watch Harry Potter. Many of my friends watched it already, but I haven't got to watch it because I'm busy and my close friends are busy too. I've also been kinda isolated from social interactions lately due to these assignments that can never be completed due to some retarded requirements. I know that people are going through this phase of life together with me, but the reality is, to survive, you only have yourself.

Filler

I'm here to fill this place with more posts. Well, it has been rather tiring recently, but not to the point which I will get emo, so I didn't need to post a lot here. Blocks was rather smooth (I got my usually As and I've no idea what's gonna happen to my Ds). I've also been watching a little of 君に届け 2nd season, and I really have to say that it's the least brainless Shoujo anime I've watched so far. (I haven't survived for more than 3 episodes in the past) The very interesting thing is that the anime has portrayed the Asian mindset to love rather clearly. (I'm now wondering whether I still have a crush) One would choose to observe the other party from afar rather than using any form of direct approach. I shall probably watching later as a form of consolation for today. Everyone went to watch Harry Potter and I'm kinda stuck at the 3rd lang center practising Japanese (not really learning much stuff). The school is retarded to put the half day today. I've no idea how many of my classmates are doing their Physics AA/Go for Chinese Oral/Misc. School-related stuff. Well, I should probably say that this term isn't a term for relaxing as I'm already seeing the workload piled ahead of me which would "entertain" me for the rest of the term. Simply hoping that there would be some chalets/outings after promos to make up for these hard times as a student.

Hunger for success

I've never tasted failure as much as this year. There are just so many things that you can sign up for, and just not get shortlisted because you are not so fortunate. (Well, I choose to put it this way because I do not see how others are more worthy of being selected) To make it worse, I didn't get into 2nd round for SMO. To look on the bright side, I'm probably getting silver again this year, but it still bothers me. I suppose it's because there wasn't any reason for me not to get in, but I failed due to carelessness. It's probably because I've lost my vigilance this year, by believing that the answer is correct rather than checking through my workings. However, by being vigilant, I also prevent myself from discovering other things. It's just like a bidding during bridge, where being paranoid over something that's been proven true would fill your brain with suspicion such that there maybe other factors which you forgot to consider. Such conflicting factors, which you do not always apply suitably, is probably what's causing me to feel so sad. It's like things are all within my capability, but I simply didn't see the right method quickly. Now the only thing that I can possibly do is to look forward to next year after half a year of wandering about finding the right things to do in JC.

福星高照

当我郁闷时，总有Blogger会听我心中的痛苦，当这次的安慰，却要暂时用Notepad来写。

年初，我们的Faculty委员会的会员向我们作了自我介绍。我当时的感觉是“好酷啊！”。因此，从年初到几个月前，我一直都有想加入的念头。几天前，我收到了一个简讯，通知我我被拒绝了。当时的心情只能说有点轻松，但也感到遗憾。不过，今天的一件事改变了我的想法。我们的Faculty中有一个Radical（读者若不明白此词的意思，可以来问我）。形容他，就是个特别S的人，喜欢折磨学生。而今天，我就不幸的成为了一名受害者。当时，我真正的感到万分的幸运，进了Faculty委员会，本来就是准备在劳累中兼任更多的任务。而如果还需要看到那个Radical的脸色，我想我将会忍无可忍。这次被拒绝，也许是上天的指引，不让我再次承受曾经受过的痛苦——为了大局而忍耐着与领导两人之间的恩怨。感谢上天让我到目前为止走了一段顺畅的人生旅途，而剩下了路途，我会更加谨慎的走下去的。

New Jap dictionary on Phone

Perhaps it's just because I didn't look at the strengths of Nokia. However, it is indeed surprising that a phone without language support can actually run a Japanese App properly. Now, I won't be the only guy in the group of people at the left corner without a Japanese Dictionary to refer to. YaY! Also, I've finally got a free weekend. Thus, I am gonna use it to catch up with some of the H2 content. Not the KI part of course because there simply isn't a point in trying to argue in Japanese when I can't do it really well in English. (Actually this issue is debatable because Jap essays allow 1-line explanations, which is more reasonable than GP essays which do not accept simple, foolproof reasons to why somethings are true) Also, I need to read a bit of 早报 and 朝日 to improve my vocabulary in Chinese and Japanese, after getting into contact with only Newsweek for some time. I am actually free tonight to post this, but I think I'll go read 早报 now.

但愿不会发生

我指的是什么？是PW的事情，但愿不会和她分到一组。不知怎么，当她在身旁时总会感到紧张，与她说话时总是不断地在抑制自己的情绪，露不出笑容。如果分到一组，那就糟了。俺将会紧张的无法动脑筋。为了我的A，还是与熟人做为好。虽然这个可能性不大，但还是要做好准备。

还在序幕

总觉得，是时候继续写我的故事了。可是，我性格过于内向，做了MBTI后的结果是26题中，23题的答案表示我是I。因此，要我主动，是绝对不可能的。所以，我决定不再选择避开。希望能在顺其自然的同时，找到新的方向。
顺便一提，我刚知道原来我的博客是有人读的。:O不过他好像没有散播任何谣言。o.O可能是因为日语不够好吧。