Reincarnation

Posting during Geog lesson now because the teacher didn't come and I need something to kill time. Well, I really can't believe that my grades are becoming more extreme (languages are still fine, but the difference in humanities and sciences are showing). I was happy for some time for being the top few in class for Bio and Chem, but after I did the Geog and Physics test, I wasn't even slightly confident that I would not fail. LaLa~ Another weekend of slacking I suppose, after all the tests, and retrain my DotA skills a bit after failing so much, and figuring out the main problem about why I failed. Main thing that I wasn't happy about was that I was despised by JLoh. I just don't see why I am not given a chance to host any Jap students despite my Jap results topping the whole school every year. Sec 4 life has been rather boring until now, because of me. I can't really find something that can continue entertaining me for now. Songs? Books? Does that make a person's life more interesting? Or the super patriotic stuff on all the NCC ppl's blogs? Uh, personally I think achievements and superiority are the foundations of my life, but the constant failing last year somehow hit me hard. I can't ensure that my life would be smooth this year, like all the even years that I have gone through, which were all so fruitful. People has came up with different definitions to how life should be lead, but in the end, it's just another game which we see in computers. Level up, and fight your way through, or you would become inferior and be the slave of others. However, at the rate at which I am going at, it would be rather unlikely that I would be able to outperform others, because there are just so many things that I wouldn't want to self-study because they seem so lame. I've endured through 3 weeks of 20+ ChengYu, 20+ English terms and 2-4 pages of Wolf and Spice per day during the holidays, but none of them can keep me studying other than Math. Aiming higher in life, is it something wrong? Well, I think that there are somethings that I should not be committing to, but although these stuff may seem useless because I can only make one choice of University, at least I could choose if I continue the endless workload which I am subjected to, which would be a lot better than those who got chosen. Quite surprised at how I am still able to maintain my optimism after so much futile efforts, but I don't think I would be able to endure anymore major ones to come. Wishing that I would no longer feel that something is lacking.