Just really really tired

It's good to pause a bit and think about the usefulness of what you have done. It's only then that I realised that, "Hey! There is really no point in mugging for an exam but I have to mug." It's actually not compulsory, but in an Asian society, this is what is required. You have to be the best, but how best can we be in school? When people have different strengths, it is wrong to say that those who are weak in a certain subject are retarded because that certain subject pulls down their overall MSG. On the other hand, it is wrong to say that muggers rule. In actual fact, people have been influenced since young that good results = everything. However, it took me 10 years to realise that no matter how great your results were in school, they may only be due to the 25% chance of a difficult MCQ question. Moreover, good results aren't gonna earn you a living. Despite the fact that it is certainly the case, you do have to master everything taught in school, but not to the point that you get penalised for using the word "vibrate" to describe fluid movement when the teacher's English standard is already CMI. Therefore, now I am dedicating more of my time to Longang, but not all, because the filter of usefulness is still there. What's the point of doing a Paul's Wheel when you can have everything in your head already, and Paul's wheel is only listing what you have in your head on a piece of paper, which is harming the environment and also insulting yourself, for the human brain has unlimited storage. However, there is also another reason why I mug for the tests. To show muggers that they are wrong. There is obviously a distinction between a mugger and a real pro. A real pro doesn't have to study to get his A1 because he has superficial memory to memorise everything that the teacher said in class, which unfortuantely I do not possess when it vcomes to anything besides numbers. (That just contradicts my point, I can simply enumerate everything which I have learnt to help remember, but oh well)

Referring to 老子's 《道德经》, there is a clear distinction between outside and inside. However, in any kind of society, it is practically impossible to become HOLY. If your want to do that, you need some fame, otherwise you are dead by now. Furthermore, it is also considered as a waste of resources if one goes to school and does not make use of the skills taught.

Haiz... I am off the point a long time ago. Anyway, I am really tired of getting good grades just for a nice result slip as the result slip is practically useless. The Canadian educational system may be great in a sense, but different people have different personalities, and ultimately the thing boils down to differentiating examinees and students.

Former Swang (Swine) Flu

I didn't really expect to be so free at such a point of time during the year, especially with my last two years' afternoon's being tightly packed. Sec 1: Band thrice (twice) + 3rd lang twice, otherwise occupied by sleeping due to low work efficiency then. Sec 2: Band thrice + 3rd lang twice + IVP once. Sec 3 Jan-Apr: Math Olympiad twice + Band twice + 3rd lang once + Project meeting once. Sec 3 Apr-Now: Mega O.R. for band due to various reasons + public holiday + CCA holiday. ( -.-"') (I am expecting people to tag "OH, you are just giving excuses not to come") Therefore, I should be much more free than Term 1. However, despite cutting down my DotA time, I wasn't able to complete some of my homework on time. There may be an increased workload but I didn't realise it. However, it is quite a good time for be to buck up slightly on my ACE, though I really don't know when would I finish those assignments. It's like your ACE would naturally max out in Term 3 for some reason, therefore I haven't done anything until now. If Longang Chan stop spamming us with homework and gives us some ACE assignments, I am sure that my English Ace would be 10 by now.

I really hope Swang Flu would stabilise soon, because getting too used to slacking isn't good. Once you slack, you slack more, and slacking time, though increasing linearly, total amount of time wasted increases exponentially.

Failing

I am simply posting this due to my blog history. 2007 (70), 2008 (24), 2009(7). Last year was really a failure, but to tell the truth, last year was a rather successdul year in terms of school work. No more sleeping at 1am and stuff. Personally, I dislike the large amount of homework given by the teachers last year because I was never able to do them properly, writing crap answers and stuff, whereas this year I was doing my homework with a bit more effort. For some reason, I am somehow determined to reach the level of true trilingualism, not simply Can Make It for all. However, English haven't been improving much lately, just simply couldn't remember all the words in comprehension, but still improving due to the topics taught by Longang.

Chinese would be slightly faster I suppose, because I feel that the teachers really have a way of improving our Chinese in Sec 3, unlike ShiehLS who simply spammed us with compo and expect us to improve. I believe that we may not be behind the schools under the Express Stream, but somehow I feel that because there aren't many times which we actually get to use the words that we learn and hence we forget.

Japanese? Na, last years super mugging gone down the drain, but not 100%, I still learnt some stuff, just that I don't realise it, probably gonna do some light mugging every now and then.

Then it's math. The hard part is already here, and I don't stand a lot of chance at Geometry anymore, worse for Number Theory, probably need to read more online Geometric stuff, then can get the gist of it.

Yesterday was spent slacking, today too. Tomorrow is bucking up day, read AC Nation and do math I suppose. Somehow I get the feeling that there is more work to be done, or maybe just because I am having extra time after cutting down on the dota matches on Sat and Sun. Hope you aren't bored to death by this.

For my animaniac friends, I am currently at episode 20 of Clannad now, gonna finish it by next week.

Before you flame my tagboard

Despite the majors emphasising the fact that we should not get arrogant about our achievement, I still have to post it because I made a promise to my readers... (countable I suppose, not even one-third of 2M2008++) Anyway, the thing is, we got GwH! What is GwH? If you don't know, you can ask my friends. Click on the links and hope to find someone willing to help you, and even if you know, don't bother flaming the tagboard. 1. Flame who? Me? You can't. I am invulnerable to insults. Or if you are really so determined to make me pissed, you can try reading all my previous blog posts and I am sure the hints will all come out when you are done. However, by then you would have wasted quite some time of your precious life reading all my previous blog posts, which didn't have the quality of those which I am posting now.

If you were here to congratulate me, please do that somewhere else because there is really no point doing it here. Imagine me tagging 'thx' on my tagboard, so lame! So I am gonna do it here. Thanks for the support people! Please get me to support you as well if you ever have the chance. Next goal in life: TOP 30 for SSSMO. Then, next year can go Hamamatsu without the feeling of missing something.

101 and counting

ついに一百一番のポストだ！とても長いストーリーはここに書いてあるよ！だって、僕の二年前からの記憶は全部ここにある。懐かしい...　金曜日はバンドのコンペティションだよ。準備はどうかわからないが、もっと自信があるようになるは今の要だ。この一週間にいくら努力しても、あまり効果的ではないと思う。そして、自信はないなら、大会の日にきっとその場合の空白を恐れる。その時は、大きく吹こうが吹くまいが、自分だけが聞こえる。だから、その十分に、夢幻の世界に行かなきゃ。いい夢を見て天国の幸せを感じる。後で現実の世界に戻る時、もう成功した。この四ヶ月の努力はそのただの八分のためなので、選択はない。唯一の結局は一番になる！

Part of the reason I am posting it in Japanese is because I regard anime as a virtual world, and hence dump my feelings into it. However, don't be discouraged if you really want to know what I am thinking, because I would be hopefully doing one in English soon. Give me some support for my SYF, then we can feel the school glory together.

Memories

おめでとうございます！これは一百番目のポストだ。読み続いてね！

前の日記を読むと、過去に返った感じが出る。しかし、あの時の人はお前が聞こえないし、見えないし、お前は存在ではなさそうだ。たぶん、それは違わないけど、過去に返った理由は前の自分を見る。もちろん、わからなかったことがある。いつも「どうしてそんな馬鹿なことをした」と自分に聞くが、答えが見つけられない。特にとても変なこと（誰にも教えられない）と変な反応だ。そんなことが説明できる唯一の理由はその自分はまだ若すぎたので、世界は自分にとってちょっと難しかった。でも、その時に思ってる事がもう全部忘れた。今できる事は過去の間違えを忘れて、新しい自分に変わる。

That was just another piece of reflection by me in Japanese, but somehow it was still hard to do some reflection in a foreign language. Most of the time, when you can't find a word to suit into your sentence, you think of another way to phrase the sentence. Thus, the hole that is there is never filled up. Is life about filling holes or building mountains. Not saying that one should be an all-rounder but you definitely need to fill up the right space. Hence...

Argh, I can't think of a good topic to crap about.

OK, let's talk about my emo-ness again. I haven't gone back to my virtual world for quite a long time. Having been dreaming a lot these days. Probably that's why people need to believe in God, for some illusion of there is someone supporting you from behind. However, when you are determined to deny God's existence, you needed some comfort zones to vent your anger and the pain of the real world, which is your virtual world. I am feeling very sian this term because of the long period before I went back during last December. Not able to do that during the March holidays either. Just hoping that there would be more school activities Next Term.

New Habit

Ever since I came into the small classroom of SC1, I developed a habit of grabbing the smooth door handle occasionally. I don't know why I like the door handle so much but I just felt like grabbing onto something when I didn't have a pen in my hand. Then, the guy beside me would say, "Walao, what's your problem? Hug the door handle for what?" Of course it's not because I actually like the door handle so much by my hands get itchy. Then today, the situation got worse. I was spinning a chair around myself during Bio lesson. Never found out the reason why I did that, but I was disappointed when I realised that the chair is hard. So hoping to grab something soft but couldn't. The Bio teacher did suggest me getting a soft toy, but I think it would be even more weird because if I do, I need a big one and can't probably put it into the classroom. Hence, I need to find an alternative solution, but for the meantime, I should probably just bear with it.

Going through teenage is rather weird. In the past, I often wanted what other had. Now, it's not what others have that I want, but what they don't. I want to show the unique side of myself, which isn't really unique. I've been wondering why I actually gave myself a freedom of speech. There were always things which I was too shy to tell others (you have been seeing a fake me all along). Teenage is evil. You gain more independence but wanted some care. You want people to say something to you although you may not need it. That's how I've been feeling for the 2 extra hours I am awake each day. Really hope to sleep early :)

Of course, everyone still has his own secrets. I can see what every loner needs because I am one myself. Why are people so lonely? I guess it's probably the situation in Singapore. Your friends live too far from you. You can't simply go to their houses every weekend like what my Jap teacher could. She says that students in Singapore are very pathetic. I wholeheartedly agree. There is no one you could actually consider a true friend. Whom you can see after school ends and not just a contact on MSN. Ask yourself, in your life, how many true friends have you had. I would say probably those in primary school. They were those who shared enjoyable memories outside school with you every afternoon, but they have to leave you. Then you move on to secondary school and get a new group of friends, who may not be very good friends with you but you see them more often and the challenging tasks develop teamwork among you, this is when your memories of past friends start to fade. Then you move on to JC, you forget the teamwork you developed with your friends in secondary school. Your new mugging group revises the same topics as you and score about the same marks as you in JC. University is all thats left, but no matter how many friends you make in the world, there is always a time to say goodbye. We all hate these moments. I loved the birthday parties in Primary School, I loved the joy and laughter in 2M, but the memories fade.

Got slightly affected by the CSE coordinator. I am in a weird state of mind now, not tired, not active, but blissful. These moments come occasionally, but I can't cherish them sometimes. Thank you for reading this long piece of crap. Please continue to be a reader.

Uniqueness with Scopophobia

I've actually realised long ago, that my personality has contradictions. I am a person that likes to be unique, but in most cases, unique=weird and in some cases crazy. Then some people quote from some books: but everyone is unique in their own way. I know that! But people in Singapore just looks so similar just that they have different faces. Of course, I am not referring to everyone but you certainly can group them.

Back to the point, you find yourself thinking in a way that is much different from the rest. However, there is this majority win rule that would take the decision of the majority which is not proven to be 100% effective. Therefore, you wouldn't dare to express yourself, especially with the "seek first to understand then to be understood" thing, which is not right. Say if there are 2 people and neither of them seeks to be understood first, there is not way they can become good friends because they can't even understand each other. If both are seeking to understand, then what is to be understood?

Therefore, all the famous quotes from people are either screwed, or people don't understand them the right way and screw them. So in the end everything is screwed.

Can this be why people are so uncreative? It is highly possible because the creativity of a person is confined within the general opinion of the public, which is usually wrong. We say this is wrong and that is wrong, but sometimes we never realise that it is simply the opinion of the public and not exactly wrong in any sense, just that the media has a certain level of high influence on us.

Thus, there is this false impression that being unique is wrong because other people don't think the way you do, which is what I must get rid of and heck the "weirdness" that is the opinion of the general public. I should just voice out my opinions like there is a rule of you having to say that I am right. Like saying: the general public is a large group of 废 people who limits the creativity of others and hence hinders the advancement of the society.

Careful till I am careless

This is the 2nd post this week. But, OMG! I left my homework file in SALT Centre! OK, the story was like this:

Just beginning to learn to do my homework in SALT Centre during full band, I brought my file in to the main hall of the SALT Centre band room to make full use of my time. However, the JC liked to practise after us, and this Friday, the cursed day when my classroom had the aircon left on and me leaving my homework file in SALT Centre, was no exception. So it neared 5 o'clock, and I had to take my measurements for the New blazer. The JC was moving in at that time, while I was being very careful about not missing any of the 7 things and counting which I am bringing into the band room: 1. Mouthpiece 2. Score 3. Pencil & Notebook 4. Water bottle 5. Metro-tuner 6. Pencil case 7. Homework File. Then I went down to take my measurements with YaoChong looking after my stuff, which he did rather well. Then the tailor hadn't came yet so we went back up for 10 min sectionals. So at 5.45, everything was done and I was packing up. Making sure that I had 7 things again and thinking that there is no way of losing anything, I packed by bag. BUT! Due to my habit of thinking that the pencil box is the last item, I LEFT MY HOMEWORK FILE THERE! I was thinking why it was so easy to put my pencil case into my bag then, but didn't suspect anything. Probably because all the music drowned my paranoia and of course partly due to my ****phobia... No, that day must be cursed. I bet that Friday the thirteenth has got some pronunciation relation ship with the thirtieth, and so does the fortune. Go check wikipedia, there's gonna be 3 more Fridays falling on the 13th! I better be less careful.

Incase you are wondering how many lessons I can survive through without my homework file, I would say probably half of them, because I won't be getting the neutralizing luck which I got on the Friday of the first week.

Venting my anger again

Part of the internet's job is to give people room for them to vent their anger. Despite my busy schedule, I am posting something here because I feel that there should be vengeance for mistreating me. So, I came home tired as usual, and hoping to watch another episode of CLANNAD, but somehow 土豆 is lagging like shit, so I gave up. Then I went to check SMB, and the seemingly most urgent message was the one which Laurang urging us to vote for GG. Who doesn't want to vote when she posted the same message a few weeks ago? But that bloody site requires me to sign up. Of course, I dislike filling in my particulars (it triggers my paranoia). So I didn't bother after that. However, the new message told us to sign up. So I 给了点面子 and signed up. That f*cking site requires a username more than 8 characters and less then 50. Who the hell needs a username of more than eight characters and which idiot would have a username of up to 50 characters? Imagine signing in at your friend's house. You type 50 characters and then later they say wrong username or password. Furthermore, there is no password strength requirement, so I just type an x there and with some hacking software anyone can get into my account in less than a second, retarded isn't it? Personally, I think a 3-character username is short, nice and easy to remember. Therefore, I didn't like it and signed up as "eight_characters". After that I tried voting again, but they said my account was inactive and made me take the trouble to go to my email and activate my account, and then the link below took me to some blank page that tells me there is a null error. I went back to the original page and tried again, but it didn't work and after 3 times it told me I've used up my quota. Therefore, I requested for a change of password, when I changed it back, I couldn't login again.

Now you get the point? I have spent much more time waiting for my internet to load than you reading this post and I couldn't vote in the end.

You must agree with me, STOMP is an A.H. website that contains loads of 牛の糞 that scams you for your personal information. I should sue them for this.